Condolences for
Carol Price (McCann)

Thinking about you this morning. Remembering some of our conversations and things you've mentioned to me about life and your opinions on what to do. We usually didn't see eye to eye and disagreed alot. I should have taken your advice on some of these things but was too stubborn or pig headed not to do so. I could really use the help right now as I've come into more things to concern myself about. I don't have that person to vent anymore; the person who loves me no matter what; the person who understands me. I talk out loud alot these days or at nina (she just goes to her cage--wonder what she thinks? ha). I miss you and love you and think of you everyday.

Its a new year. Don't know if its happy though. I'm hopeful that it will be at some point though. I don't like getting myself to where I'm at now, stressed and agitated. I get tired of the same ol' same ol' everyday. I really do try and I made some resolutions and changes that I'd like to do for the new year. Wish you were here to talk. I have a lot to say and no outlet. Well, there are outlets but none like you. I miss you mommie.

Hi Mommie, one month to the day. Seems like a lot longer since you left. I stare at your pictures and watch the 50 second video I have of you and the boys often. I received a few Christmas presents with you in mind. Luisa framed a picture of you and I on Thanksgiving, Margaret found a blanket holder for your blanket. I did what I said I would and it will remain a tradition with me. Lisa still wears the locket and everytime I see her its the first place I look. I got through the holidays, wasn't much the same. Tried to enjoy myself as I know you would want me to. I guess it was 50/50. Felt guilty everytime I let go and had a good time. I love you and miss you.

Well momma, its almost here. Didn't know if I'd have a chance to write because of not having a computer on Christmas so I figured I'd try today. Not really handling things well these days, losing myself. Very irritable and short with everyone. Tired of running around, you always said I was a homebody. Wonder what its like this time of year up there. I have thoughts of puffy whiteness with no cold where everyone smiles and looks at us down here with discouragement. The smaller things that effect us so much down here probably don't even gather attention up there. Christmas is a time for immediate family with less emphasis on friend and other people in our lives. Not too sure what daddy has planned or even if he wants to do anything. Think I will invite him over and hopefully he'll come. I've heard the term the only permanent things we have are death and taxes. Money doesn't really matter to me (i'm sure you'd have a lot to say about that) but death takes a toll on you and remains there. Thoughts about losing you festers inside me and turns my mindframe around instantly. I know you were afraid, I know you didn't want to go. You fought so hard to be with us and at least told me, probably others too that maybe you could be the exception. I wish you were. I miss your face, miss your voice, your made up songs, even your b&*$%ing. Its hard finding someone else to talk to relate things that only you helped with. It actually bothers me when I hear the term mom now. Hopefully it fades. I don't have mine anymore (in a physical sense) and it sucks. I have so much to do still: shopping, cleaning, wrapping, going and planning. Its hard to stay motivated. Not to sure I really want to do any of it. I do for the boys and try to be strong for them. I miss you and love you so much.

Hi Mommy, It's getting closer to Christmas but really doesnt feel like it. I miss you and talk to you in my own way every night. The Angels Carol gave us are up on the tree, right next to the star. Everytime I look at the tree its always where my eyes focus. This was the time of the year you focused on the most. Always wanting your own Christmas, your own tradition. Last year was the closest I think you ever really got. We should have done things the way you wanted them to growing up and even as adults. For this, I as well as the rest of us apologize. I spoke of a tradition, well really a couple that I will start as my dedication, thanks and love to you. Carol started the first one with the ornament. Every year I will get a new angel ornament for our tree till we replace all of the Christmas balls on them. As well, there will be a wrapped candle under the tree in remembrance of you. Each candle will have some kind of significance to me and the memories I have. I love you and hope that Christmas comes and goes quickly. Don't know how I'm going to make it through, but I will try because I know thats what you'd expect me to do. All my heart.