Condolences for
Carol Price (McCann)

Happy Valentines mommie! If you were here I'd give you a bunch of roses. I think I'll get you a flower and place it on your blanket. I love you momma. Wanted to do something special today for Lisa, ask her to marry me. I probably wont because well...I think you know why. Valentines is a day for love and what better way to express it. I want that life for myself again mom. She makes me happy, I feel important to her. We have our differences, but thats what keeps it interesting. Men search for partners and usually marry the women that most represent their own mother. Its a great compliment to her for me to think of her that way. Theres so much about her that reminds me of you. I guess in a short time I will. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I used to get upset over daddy's phone message at the house with you on it. He never changed or erased it. Never said anything to him either. Now I appreciate it and don't want him to ever remove it. I want to leave you a message or tell you I love you but I know its just a recording. I love you mommie!

Not doing too well today. Pissed off about a few things. Wish you were here to vent. Times like this are the hardest. Finding a way to deal with and unleash the feelings is soooo hard to do anymore. Its like I keep them bottled down and it eats away at you. When I talk to my friends they always see things my way-- a biased opinion. Guess I should be fortunate that they have my back. You always had a way of making me think about the other side. Don't think you were meaning too, just the way you are. Can't put my finger on what it is that is making me feel this way, guess its just a conglomerate of issues. Sometimes I think you have the easy part now. Maybe this is our "purgatory", life here on earth. And what you do with it leads to what your future holds. I don't know. All I know is im stressed the f*&( out and I don't know what to do with all the feelings and thoughts. Could be that I'm just tired, hopefully the day gets better. Look out for me, would you? Love you mommie.

A Prayer of turst,

LORD, I WILL TRUST YOU. Help me to journey beyond the familiar and into the unknown. Give me the faith to leave old ways and break fresh ground with you. Christ of the mysteries, can I trust you to be stronger than each storm in me? Do I still yearn for your glory to lighten me? I will show others the care you have given me. I determine amid all uncertainty always to trust. I choose to live beyond regret and let you recreate my life. I believe you will make a way for me and provide for me, if only I trust you and obey. I will trust in the darkness and know that my times are still in your hand. I will believe you for my future, chapter by chapter, until all the story is written. Focus my mind and my heart on you, my attention always on you without alteration. Strengthen me with your blessing and appoint to me the task. Teach me to live with eternity in view. Tune my spirit to the music of heaven. Feed me, and make my obedience count for you. Amen.

Hi Mommy, been busy with a whole bunch of things lately. I'm trying to do things a little bit different. I'm giving up habits that I've become accustomed to (wish it was smoking). Trying to be a better man for myself, my boys and Lisa and the girls. I hang on to things that in the grand scheme dont really mean a whole lot. I want my life to progress and move forward. I loved being married and living the life that I once had. It took a long time getting back to the point where I wanted something like that for myself. Now I'm at that point and want to bask in the fruits and live that life again. Got into the habit of drinking, staying out late, not really caring about too much and enjoying life to its fullest. Part of it was because of you and what you were dealing with, but it wasn't all you. A lot of it was me. Yes, its fun but its not me. I think thats the part I was speaking of earlier when I said I lost myself. I love Lisa very much. She's a great mom, good to my kids, a warm hearted woman and she loves me. It took me awhile to figure that last part out but she shows me everyday how much she does. Men arent the smartest and it may take several times to get your point across (think the same with daddy), but once it gets across, Wow. There will be a lot of changes within the next couple months. I know you know what they are, don't need to write em. I guess what you said really is true. I miss you and wish you were here to talk. I think you'd be proud and happy for me with the things I've done and will do in the near future. Love you always....

Hi mommy. Thinking about you wondering what heaven is like. The last couple of nights it felt like you were here. Sometimes when its really quiet and I pray or just talk I feel like something is there. Hoping its you. Nina barks alot more now too. Wonder if that has anything to do with it. I miss you.