Condolences for
John Joseph DeMatteo

Tribute from Funeral Service, 5/5/18

Thank you very much for making the effort to join us today. I know many of you have come from a distance and it was difficult for some of you to get here. Dad was a loyal friend and family man, and loved the people in his life. Your presence would have made him very happy. Having you here is a great comfort to us.

What I keep hearing from folks was how caring my father was. How he always asked about other people and their loved ones. How kind and helpful he was to other people. How generous and giving he was to his family, friends, even strangers.

He might come home and tell a story of a young mother he had sat next to on a plane, when he was traveling for work, and how he felt so badly for her that he entertained her 2 year old for the entire flight. Or how he was late for dinner because he had helped some stranger change a tire.

We were raised by example. We knew what was expected of us in terms of honesty, integrity and hard work because we saw how our parents lived their lives. We knew that education was the highest priority, but not just formal education. My parents also placed value on curiosity, reading and exploring on one’s own.

I have often joked that my father treated us like short adults when we were children. He was unencumbered by what was “age appropriate”. On the other hand, he had great faith in us! We were exposed to music, art, museums, and God help me, Math!

But we had fun, too! He was silly, always willing to make himself the butt of his jokes. You really saw that come out with the grandkids. He had no greater happiness than to make them smile, to laugh, to squirm with joy!

He loved welcoming and hosting people. We had a great house when we lived on Sandy Ridge Road in Doylestown. He was the most gracious and generous of hosts. What he had was of little use until it was shared.

What really defined my father’s values was family. He was very aware of, grateful to, and proud of his family history. We are all humbled by how very hard our ancestors had worked to improve life for their children, and the injustices and suffering they endured to bring us to this point of comfort and security.

He gave all credit for his success to others. People tell me he was such a smart man. The most he ever admitted to me was a “knack for Math”! He was a progressive thinker, holding strong and sometimes, unpopular beliefs; a thinker before his time.

One of his favorite stories recently was how Brother Bernadine of the parochial elementary school he attended, encouraged him to take the test for the Brooklyn Technical High school. It may be hard for us to believe in this day and age, but he and his family had no idea how to pursue an education.

Fortunately, my grandparents had been exposed to people in their workplaces from whom they came to appreciate the importance of education. Yet, they had no idea how to attain that education, and very little money to invest in that endeavor.

Brother Bernadine’s belief in him led him to the knowledge, and to him, the “wonder”, of free education, scholarships and grants! Indeed, America was a great country. From Brooklyn Tech, he went on to City University of New York to study engineering, which led to an R& D career working for the Dept. of the U.S. Navy.

Even though education was the priority for us, he never judged people by their educational attainment or financial success, not at all. Even with his own children, although he was proud of our education and professional achievements, but what mattered most was family.

He was grateful that we all married well. He had great love and respect for our spouses. He was delighted that our children are healthy, hard-working, good and kind. He was grateful, especially in his final year, for the support and love we gladly gave him.

I can never begin to thank my sister and her family for the excellent job and sacrifices they have made taking care of our parents. They could not have been in better hands and I am eternally grateful. She has shouldered the responsibility without complaint, because as she often says, “that’s what family does”.

We feel fortunate that we had our father for as long as we did. He often joked about how he would have worked longer if he knew he was going to live so long. But he never retired from learning and living life to the fullest.

He never stopped reading and questioning. He remained intellectually active, challenging himself up until the week before he passed. He loved his Great Courses DVDs and on-line courses, very much. The last course he was enjoying was, “The History of Western Civilization”, a modest undertaking!

He was always reading 2 or 3 books at a time. I don’t think he ever read a book of fiction, by the way. His recent books were on the life of Enrico Fermi and another on Quantum Mechanics. He loved attending and sometimes teaching at the Center for Learning in Retirement (CLR) Classes at nearby Delaware Valley University.

After retirement, he explored new aspects of life. He had enjoyed his career very much, the work he did, and the talented people with whom he worked with who became some of his dearest friends. But he knew that this was his opportunity to pursue his other interests.

He also wanted to do as much as he could to help other people. He had always been a passionate supporter of causes close to his heart. He expanded his volunteerism to other areas. For example, he became a volunteer for Contact, a support organization for the elderly.

He and my mother had always had a shared love of Italian music, language, literature and history. They were so happy that they could pursue this together in their retirement. They loved their Circulo Italiano club. Dad dedicated himself to studying proper Italian and made great strides.

Their life changed drastically with our Mother’s illness. They had planned to travel and pursue their interests. He watched in dismay as the love of his life disappeared, but he never complained. He took care of her, protected her and adjusted to their new life. He always said, “This is how I was raised. It is what it is and I do what I need to do.”

I know that he lived as long as he did because he was committed to standing by her, caring for and protecting her until the end. He persevered through several serious surgical and medical treatments until there was nothing more he could do to extend his life, so that he could stay with her any longer.

This past January was the first time he was unable to attend (CLR) classes. He started to have difficulty walking from the parking lot to the classroom. It was really the beginning of his decline. Fortunately though, he continued to live a full life, albeit at a slower pace, until very close to the end.

I will miss being spoiled by that unconditional love and support, by his sometimes embarrassing conviction that his grandchildren were extraordinary and amazing, that they not only possessed talents but great character and ethics. But he will always live on in me, my siblings, our spouses, and our children. We love you, Dad.

A guy couldn’t ask for a better father-in-law. To be honest, he was a little intimidating at first, with that shock of snow-white hair and the commanding Brooklyn accent. What a first impression! But over the 33 years I knew him, (30 as a father-in-law, this July), he became a second father to me. Though many may struggle with what to call their in-laws by, it seemed very natural to me to call him Dad.

And I’m sure he had his issues with me, understandably, like when I & Maria went off to Japan for 2 years, and then here and there in the States over the years, not always nearby. Then to top it all off, we made him wait almost 8 years for a grandchild!! 😉 (He was very good about biting his tongue and not constantly asking “so when are you gonna have kids?”, though you knew he couldn’t wait). But he never tried to make me feel guilty about taking his beloved daughter far away from him.

He was a wonderful grandfather to our two children, Pearson, then Angela, now young adults. He was so loving and encouraging, and really instilled in our kids the significance of education and self-discipline, while supporting them in whatever path they wanted to follow, no matter how unorthodox. But he was also very impish with them and doted on them, showing the importance of having fun in life, as well. Best of all, he taught them the treasure of family and the unconditional love it provides. They sorely miss him, too.

Dad really impressed me with his intelligence, as well. I enjoyed our conversations on current events and the topics in which he was particularly interested. He motivated me to keep abreast of issues and to research topics he brought to my attention, that inevitably were always concerned with improving the well-being of others, or righting injustices. A good example is “fracking”, which is well-known now, but at the time he brought it to my attention I had never heard of it. He was ahead of the curve. Though he was a so-called “retiree” most of the time I knew him, he certainly defied the stereotype with his continuing (self) education and activism. He has had a very positive impact on me, and I am richer for having had him in my life.

Dad, I miss you greatly. Trust that we will continue take great care of Ann like you lovingly did, and that I will continue to cherish Maria like she deserves.

With great respect and love, Jim

My husband Tom and I are saddened by the lost of our friend. May you Rest In Peace John. Our prayers are with you all at this time. There is so much I want to say. Such a wonderful man. Always willing to help in anyway he could. Very caring kind person. I love you John.

We were so saddened to hear of the passing of our dear friend and Circolo Italiano club member John De Matteo. May he rest in eternal peace.

John will always be remembered for his honesty, integrity, his love of Italian music, Italian history, his love of family and fearless stand on what he believed was right. We will miss him dearly and send all our love to the beautiful family he has left behind.

Love you all!

Anna & Joe Calabria

I’m so fortunate to have grown up with my Baba supporting me no matter what I did, I don’t think anything I could write could fully express the unwavering love and support that my Baba gave me. He was the smartest man I’ve ever met and he leaves a huge impact behind through all the incredible work he did and all the good he did for others.
At the time I didn’t know it was goodbye, but I was able to see my Baba the night before he passed and even though he couldn’t respond verbally, he reached his hand out when we told him we loved him and I know that he loved his family until the end.
Pace all'anima sua.